In the pursuit of effective discipleship within Christian ministry, the Neuroscience Informed Relational Discipleship principle of “Tell-Show-Help-Watch” emerges as a transformative approach that bridges the gap between cognitive understanding and relational experiences. This model not only aligns with but deeply integrates psychological insights with spiritual formation, emphasizing the necessity of whole-brain integration for lasting character change and spiritual growth.

*If you haven’t read the Introduction to NIRD yet, start here 🙂

Tell: The Foundation of Cognitive Engagement

The “Tell” stage initiates the discipleship process through left-brain mediated tasks which involve teaching cognitive information about spiritual principles through written texts, oral instructions, books, Bible study, or sermons. This stage is crucial for laying down the foundational knowledge and understanding of Biblical principles. However, while essential, this cognitive engagement alone is insufficient to foster deep and lasting changes in internal working models or character structure​​.

Show: Modeling Principles in Real Life

Following the cognitive engagement, the “Show” phase extends discipleship into right-brain mediated experiences, which are essential for the internalization of taught principles. This stage involves living life in proximity to a mentor or discipler, allowing disciples to witness the application of Biblical truths in real-world settings. Whether it’s serving together in community engagement contexts or simply participating in the daily life of a mentor’s family, this stage offers a powerful avenue for disciples to observe and begin metabolizing the cognitive information through relational and sensory experiences​​.

Help: Active Participation and Feedback

The “Help” phase deepens the relational experience by allowing disciples to attempt living out the principles they have learned in real-time, within relevant contexts. This proximity enables mentors to provide immediate coaching, support, and feedback, crucial for the disciples as they navigate the complexities of applying these teachings. The role of the mentor is not just observational but actively supportive, ensuring that the learning is not only attempted but refined and corrected through practice​​.

Watch: Affirmation and Celebration of Growth

Finally, the “Watch” phase involves the mentor observing and supporting the disciple as they practice the relational skills and principles independently. This stage is characterized by the mentor’s role in affirming and celebrating the disciple’s growth, which reinforces the learning and helps cement the transformation. This validation is vital for encouraging the disciple, highlighting the positive changes, and solidifying the new behavioral patterns as permanent features of the disciple’s character structure​​.

Theoretical and Spiritual Underpinnings

This model is supported by a robust understanding of how the brain processes and internalizes information. The left-brain is engaged in logical processing and understanding, which is critical in the “Tell” phase. However, lasting change involves the right-brain’s capacity for relational and experiential learning, activated through the “Show,” “Help,” and “Watch” stages. This approach aligns with the Biblical process of discipleship, which involves more than just knowledge but transformed lives demonstrated through relationship and community​​.

Implications for Church Practice

The “Tell-Show-Help-Watch” approach underscores a significant challenge within modern church practice, which often favors large-scale programs and instructional formats that neglect the deeper relational dynamics essential for true spiritual growth. By adopting this integrative approach, churches can foster more profound and lasting impacts on individuals’ lives, moving beyond superficial engagement to producing disciples capable of replicating this transformative process in others​​.

The NIRD principle of “Tell-Show-Help-Watch” offers a holistic and effective framework for discipleship that leverages both cognitive and relational brain functions to foster deep, lasting spiritual and character transformation. This model not only aligns with neurological insights but also embodies the scriptural mandate for discipleship that is deeply relational and transformational.

Small Group Training

Training small group leaders using the Tell-Show-Help-Watch principle of Neuroscience Informed Relational Discipleship (NIRD) can be a highly effective way to ensure they are well-equipped to facilitate their groups with confidence and skill. Here’s how this principle might be applied in such a training context:

1. Tell: The training begins with a clear and structured presentation of the key concepts and roles of a small group leader. This includes teaching on the purpose of small groups, the importance of creating a safe and welcoming environment, and the various responsibilities that leaders will hold. For instance, trainers might cover biblical teachings on community and leadership, such as those found in Acts 2:42-47, which discusses the early church’s commitment to teaching, fellowship, breaking of bread, and prayer.
2. Show: Next, the trainers demonstrate these concepts in action. This could be done through role-playing scenarios where experienced leaders simulate a small group meeting, demonstrating how to handle various situations like managing different personality types, facilitating discussions, and addressing sensitive issues. This stage might also include showing videos or case studies of successful small group interactions.
3. Help: In this phase, the trainees practice leading a small group session in a controlled environment with real-time feedback from their trainers. The trainers participate in the group as members, guiding the trainee through the process of leading, from opening the group in prayer to steering discussions and handling hypothetical challenging situations. This hands-on approach helps solidify learning and builds the trainee’s confidence.
4. Watch: Finally, the trainees lead a session with less direct intervention from the trainers, who observe and later provide constructive feedback. This stage may involve the trainees leading a pilot small group with volunteer participants or their peers acting as group members. The trainers watch and evaluate the session, offering feedback on areas such as communication skills, handling of the group dynamics, depth of discussion, and adherence to the group’s purpose.

Throughout each of these stages, the integration of scriptural principles and psychological insights ensures that the training is both spiritually grounded and practically effective. The trainers would emphasize the importance of prayer, reliance on the Holy Spirit, and the application of interpersonal neurobiology principles to understand and manage group dynamics effectively. This holistic approach prepares leaders not just to manage groups but to foster genuine spiritual growth and community among members.

Community Engagement

Applying the Tell-Show-Help-Watch principle to train volunteers for community engagement tasks, such as serving in a soup kitchen, offers a structured approach to ensure they are prepared, confident, and effective in their roles. Here’s how this training methodology might be implemented:

1. Tell:
   • Introduction and Overview: Start with an orientation session where you explain the mission of the organization and the importance of serving the community, drawing on biblical principles such as Matthew 25:35-40, where Jesus talks about serving the needy as a form of serving Him.
   • Roles and Expectations: Clearly define what tasks the volunteers will perform, such as preparing food, serving meals, cleaning up, or interacting with guests. Discuss the attitudes and behaviors expected, emphasizing respect, compassion, and dignity towards all individuals.
2. Show:
   • Demonstration by Experienced Volunteers or Staff: Arrange for new volunteers to observe seasoned staff or volunteers as they engage in their duties. This might include demonstrating how to set up the serving area, interact with guests, handle difficult situations, and follow health and safety protocols.
   • Role-Playing Scenarios: Conduct role-playing exercises to demonstrate common challenges that might arise, such as dealing with an unhappy guest or managing a rush of people, and show appropriate ways to handle these situations.
3. Help:
   • Guided Practice: Allow the new volunteers to perform tasks under the guidance and supervision of experienced volunteers or staff members. For instance, they might start by assisting in meal preparation or shadowing a veteran volunteer as they serve meals.
   • Feedback and Support: Provide immediate feedback and constructive suggestions during these practice sessions. This support helps volunteers understand what they are doing well and where they might improve.
4. Watch:
   • Independent Practice: Once the volunteers feel comfortable and the trainers are confident in their abilities, the new volunteers can take on tasks independently.
   • Observation and Feedback: Trainers observe the volunteers as they work, noting their interaction with guests, adherence to guidelines, and overall performance. Following the session, trainers offer feedback, highlighting strengths and areas for improvement.
   • Continuous Improvement: Encourage a continuous learning approach, where volunteers are regularly given opportunities to reflect on their experiences, ask questions, and receive ongoing training.

Throughout the training, incorporating spiritual reflections and opportunities for prayer can enhance the volunteers’ understanding of the significance of their service as a form of worship and ministry. This holistic approach not only prepares volunteers technically and practically but also spiritually motivates them to serve with a heart aligned to God’s call to love and serve the least among us.

The “Meeting Before The Meeting” and After

The concepts of the “meeting before the meeting” and the “meeting after the meeting” are integral to effective mentorship and training, especially within the framework of Neuroscience Informed Relational Discipleship (NIRD). These meetings are pivotal for preparing mentees for new experiences and for reflecting on these experiences to reinforce learning and personal growth.

The “Meeting Before the Meeting”

Purpose and Preparation:

• Anticipatory Guidance: This pre-meeting sets the stage for what the mentee can expect in the upcoming experience. It’s an opportunity to discuss the objectives, the roles they will play, and the dynamics they might encounter. This guidance helps reduce anxiety and equips the mentee with a clearer sense of purpose and expectation.
• Spiritual and Emotional Preparation: Integrating biblical insights and prayer into this meeting can spiritually and emotionally fortify the mentee. For instance, discussing how Nehemiah prepared through prayer before taking significant actions (Nehemiah 1:4-11) can inspire mentees to seek divine guidance and strength.
• Skill and Scenario Walkthrough: Discussing specific skills that will be needed and walking through potential scenarios helps the mentee visualize and mentally rehearse their actions, which can enhance performance when the actual situation arises.

Building Confidence:

• Mentors can boost mentees’ confidence by affirming their strengths and past successes. This reassurance can alleviate apprehensions about new challenges and reinforce their capability to handle what comes.

The “Meeting After the Meeting”

Reflection and Feedback:

• Debriefing the Experience: This post-meeting is crucial for unpacking the mentee’s experiences. It allows for an open discussion about what happened, what went well, and what could have been improved.
• Emotional Processing: Discussing how the mentee felt during the experience, especially in challenging moments, and how they managed those emotions is important. This can be linked to biblical examples of emotional resilience, such as Paul’s reflections on his hardships in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
• Constructive Feedback: Providing specific, constructive feedback helps mentees understand particular areas of strength and areas needing improvement. This should be delivered in a supportive manner, ensuring the mentee understands that mistakes are part of the learning process.

Encouragement and Growth:

• Celebrating Successes: Acknowledging and celebrating what the mentee did well not only boosts morale but also reinforces positive behaviors and strategies.
• Setting Future Goals: Discussing next steps and setting goals for future encounters can help the mentee continue to grow and improve. This might include more advanced tasks, additional responsibilities, or areas where they feel more training is needed.

Spiritual Integration:

• Spiritual Reflections: Integrating spiritual reflections on how the experiences align with or challenge their spiritual beliefs can deepen the mentee’s faith and understanding of God’s work in their life.
• Prayer: Concluding with prayer, giving thanks for the learning opportunity, and asking for God’s guidance and wisdom for future challenges, reinforces the mentee’s reliance on God through their growth journey.

These meetings, when conducted thoughtfully, create a comprehensive learning cycle that not only prepares mentees for specific tasks but also helps them integrate those experiences into their broader personal and spiritual development. This holistic approach ensures that learning is not just about task completion but about character development, resilience building, and spiritual growth.

Keep Learning!

In exploring the dynamic interplay between neuroscience and Christian discipleship, we uncover a profound alignment between biblical principles and modern scientific insights. Through the frameworks of Neuroscience Informed Christian Counseling® (NICC) and Neuroscience Informed Relational Discipleship (NIRD), we see how deeply relational God’s design for us is, meant to thrive in community and continuous growth.

If you are intrigued by how these innovative approaches can transform personal and communal spiritual lives, I invite you to delve deeper into Neuroscience Informed Christian Counseling® and Neuroscience Informed Relational Discipleship. Explore more about how these methodologies can enrich your faith journey and strengthen your community bonds.