Clint says, “I’ve been married for six weeks and we haven’t been able to connect sexually. My wife strays from the topic and the action and she won’t open up about her anxieties.”

Read more to find out what Josh Spurlock, Christian Counselor and Sex Therapist, says about anxiety surrounding sex, and how to navigate that in marriage.

CASSIE

Welcome to My Counselor Online. I’m Cassie and this is My Counselor Says. My Counselor Says is where you submit a question, either for yourself, or for a friend,  and one of our incredible therapists takes their time and answers your personal question. So let’s go find out what My Counselor Says.

JOSH SPURLOCK ON ANXIETY AROUND SEX

You’re not alone. A lot more couples struggle with this than you would think. Given that we really don’t talk about it when people are struggling, they don’t really tell a whole lot of people.

But, a lot of couples struggle with some difficulties, either from things that we brought into the relationship, or experiences that we’ve had before, or there are just fears and anxieties that can get in the way and make connecting sexually, initially in marriage, awkward or difficult.

I appreciate that you’re looking for answers. One of the hardest things or one of the saddest things that I face as a sex therapist is when I have a couple come in that are years down the road, and they’re still struggling and having difficulty in the things that we could have worked through and figured out if we’d have been able to connect sooner.

HAVE GRACE FOR YOUR SPOUSE

And so first of all, I want to tell you that you want to have grace for your wife. You don’t know what’s going on necessarily on her side. There’s some embarrassment, shame, and anxiety about even opening up and sharing with you, her new husband. And there’s just some fear and angst there that you want to love her through.

WORKING THROUGH SEXUAL DIFFICULTIES AND ANXIETY IS WELL WORTH THE INVESTMENT

We’ve got a lifetime together to be able to share, connecting sexually and enjoying a healthy sexual relationship. Taking some time on the front end to lay the foundation for that is well worth the effort and the time.

I’d really encourage your wife to connect with a counselor to be able to unpack some of the anxieties that she’s feeling, and what it is that seems to be getting in the way. When we have couples come into the practice that are struggling with these kinds of difficulties, we’re at 100% in terms of being able to help them overcome the challenges that they’re facing, and be able to have a mutually enjoyable sexual relationship. These things are treatable. We can figure out what’s going on, and help you to build a healthy sexual relationship.

I’m glad that you’re looking into answers. I hope that either through the resources on our site or through connecting with one of our counselors, you’re able to find the help that you need.

If you have a question that you want to be answered by one of our counselors, submit it here!